Let's go to some places new
Where people are only few
We could pass by the empty streets
With the leaves strewn beneath our feets
There's no light but the stars that looks bright
Sharing jokes as much as we might
Making it another long but short night
And be filled with a little fight
Let's be anything silly
Forgetting that we were once lonely
Sit around with the sand or the land or the grass underneath
Listen close to the sound of each other's heartbeat
Let's be alone, with our hands holding.
We'll Never Find The Right One
Let go of the wrong person and find the right one, They said.
If only it is as simple as how it sounds. Because it's funny yet ironic how a person whom we define as the wrong one is the one whom we think is right at the very first place. Everyone have the same potential to hurt any human being, don't they? Then why are we thinking that we'll ever find one that will always do us good?
Get over it and move your ass on, They said.
It always takes time, I know. We can't force everything that's not meant to be. We could never forget the things that once happened, we could only pretend like we do—until we get used to the scars which the time has left us with.
You'll find the one who is willing to stay in your life, forever. They said.
Tell me, how long does 'forever' takes? Why are we blaming the one who only passed by—wishing them to stay a long while—when we know it's their right to wander, and in the end we got nothing to demand, at all?
Will we ever find the right one? I asked you.
We will always have excuses to doubt about anything. Every single thing. I believe somehow, no matter how far we look for something best, we could never find one which is really best. As well as the right people that I first discussed. The main case overall. No matter how far we look for it, we're never gonna find one.
I know it's way too blurry. Let me tell you something which you might already knew.
You might love someone, right now. The one whom you call boyfriend/girlfriend. The one whom you believe that she/he is the one you'll spend the rest of your life with. There always the thought that arises as they make you mad, disappointed, or anything you dislike. She/he doesn't love me that much, you told so to yourself. And then you get miserable by it.
But again, people make mistake, and it's gonna change the way you think towards them. People will keep on making mistakes, as the time still ticking—as the sun still shining. No matter how long we seek, we'll never find 'the right one'. Because the right one is the one whom we define as the right one. We define them so. We know that nobody is perfect. And we know that even the one we love, make mistakes too.
If only it is as simple as how it sounds. Because it's funny yet ironic how a person whom we define as the wrong one is the one whom we think is right at the very first place. Everyone have the same potential to hurt any human being, don't they? Then why are we thinking that we'll ever find one that will always do us good?
Get over it and move your ass on, They said.
It always takes time, I know. We can't force everything that's not meant to be. We could never forget the things that once happened, we could only pretend like we do—until we get used to the scars which the time has left us with.
You'll find the one who is willing to stay in your life, forever. They said.
Tell me, how long does 'forever' takes? Why are we blaming the one who only passed by—wishing them to stay a long while—when we know it's their right to wander, and in the end we got nothing to demand, at all?
Will we ever find the right one? I asked you.
We will always have excuses to doubt about anything. Every single thing. I believe somehow, no matter how far we look for something best, we could never find one which is really best. As well as the right people that I first discussed. The main case overall. No matter how far we look for it, we're never gonna find one.
I know it's way too blurry. Let me tell you something which you might already knew.
You might love someone, right now. The one whom you call boyfriend/girlfriend. The one whom you believe that she/he is the one you'll spend the rest of your life with. There always the thought that arises as they make you mad, disappointed, or anything you dislike. She/he doesn't love me that much, you told so to yourself. And then you get miserable by it.
But again, people make mistake, and it's gonna change the way you think towards them. People will keep on making mistakes, as the time still ticking—as the sun still shining. No matter how long we seek, we'll never find 'the right one'. Because the right one is the one whom we define as the right one. We define them so. We know that nobody is perfect. And we know that even the one we love, make mistakes too.
How Do We Get Inspired
It was a windy afternoon, when we had our quality time at
the terrace of our little house. I was busy chewing the fried bananas that she
barely made for us, at that time. I smiled actually. Maybe that was only a
hypotetical statement that a-10-years-old-girl could say. But I could feel the
whole universe embrace me without using any arms. An invisible kind of embrace,
maybe. Yeah you know that kind of feeling, though.
We both look so much alike. I don’t know, but I could see it
way clearly. The existence of these ten-years-old girl with the personality
that blooms within herself—I always feel like she’s gonna be like myself,
someday.
Everytime I just got home, she would ask where have I been.
Everytime I’m about to go, she asks me where would I go, either. I remember
that night, when she asked me where have I been last night. I honestly answer
that I’ve been to the wedding party of one of my friends’s brother. I mentioned
my friend’s name too. I know she already knows all my friends’s name. The ones
that actually never seen her yet. But she remembers each one pretty well. It
doesn’t surprise me, until she mentioned my friend’s old nickname, correctly.
Cindy ‘Cleo’, toh?
I stood up there like, “wow,
how do you remember?”
I know she has checked all the photos in my phone. But the
photo of ‘Cindy Cleo’ is an old one that I never thought would cross her mind.
And then, I felt like I’m seeing a sign coming my way. She
remembers things just as well as I do.
***
She also reminds me of my childhood. I used to be a kid with
plenty of ambition that I always tried to keep up. That’s one of the things we
have in common. Eventhough the ambition I used to work on never really get
done. But still, there was an undefineable kind of pleasure to get to try
something that we’d like to try—and as we grow up the memory of those childhood
still always remain.
My old sister used to collect comics when she was in junior
high school while I was still in elementary school. I like to read serial cantik comics at that time. The
only title that I remember is ‘delicious’.
As a little girl who get amazed with everything new, I was trying to draw
comics on my own. As well as when I read teenlit
novel, I was also trying to make a novel script. Sounds like I always want
to try everything. That’s what I am.
I'm so much happy to see the picture above. That's the artworks made by me, and the picture below the first sketches is the ones which are made by my little sister.
She wants me to teach her a lot of things that I knew—probably by years from now on. Everytime I look at her, there’s something that drives my mind back to the past years when I was still a little kid. She draws. She writes. She even cooks ( when she knows she isn't that tall to reach the glass on the shelf). She might as well would able to play guitar (that’s one of the thing I’d like to teach her some times later)
As the time goes by, I realize that what I did in my
childhood has given a big impact on myself right now. It’s always a good
feeling knowing that you inspire people. As well as when we’re being inspired.
People always inspire me (in a good way). And that’s what keeps me motivated.
We all have that 'role model', do we? The one we learn almost anything from. But I think we could always learn anything from anyone, out of the fact that role model is a person whom we admire. There always comes dissapointment whenever our role model do something which diverge from our expectations. Don't get depressed by that case. There the thing is, there the lesson we got to take; imitate the good things and get rid of the bad ones. Always.
Sebab Kita Berdua Sama-Sama Tahu...
Kita berdua tahu tak ada yang abadi
Tak ada daun yang tak gugur
Tak ada hati yang tak hancur
Tak ada jiwa yang tak pergi
Kita berdua sama-sama tahu
Tak selamanya kita dipayungi bahagia
Tak selamanya kita diliputi cinta kasih
Bahwa kenyataannya roda ini akan berhenti membawa kita jauh sebelum kita tiba
Kita adalah sebatang pohon ditengah padang rumput gersang nan sunyi
Tegap berdiri sendiri
Dan seperti itulah kita adanya selama ini
Sendiri
Mencari arti atas pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang sukar dimengerti
Misalnya, untuk apa kita disini?
Kita bertemu dalam kekhawatiran yang sama
Mengetahui segalanya tak akan berlangsung lama
Semua terlalu sukar
Semua terasa samar
Apabila kita adalah pohon yang sedang merasa sunyi sendirian
Maka biarkanlah kehadiran masing-masing saling meneduhkan
Sebab kita berdua sama-sama tahu tak ada yang abadi
Lalu biarkanlah roda ini berputar dan kita mencintai sekali lagi..
Tak ada daun yang tak gugur
Tak ada hati yang tak hancur
Tak ada jiwa yang tak pergi
Kita berdua sama-sama tahu
Tak selamanya kita dipayungi bahagia
Tak selamanya kita diliputi cinta kasih
Bahwa kenyataannya roda ini akan berhenti membawa kita jauh sebelum kita tiba
Kita adalah sebatang pohon ditengah padang rumput gersang nan sunyi
Tegap berdiri sendiri
Dan seperti itulah kita adanya selama ini
Sendiri
Mencari arti atas pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang sukar dimengerti
Misalnya, untuk apa kita disini?
Kita bertemu dalam kekhawatiran yang sama
Mengetahui segalanya tak akan berlangsung lama
Semua terlalu sukar
Semua terasa samar
Apabila kita adalah pohon yang sedang merasa sunyi sendirian
Maka biarkanlah kehadiran masing-masing saling meneduhkan
Sebab kita berdua sama-sama tahu tak ada yang abadi
Lalu biarkanlah roda ini berputar dan kita mencintai sekali lagi..
-asy
Why?
Why do we wear jacket when we're about to have a long way trip?
Why do we put it on when it's cold and save it as something to keep?
Why do we use an umbrella to walk under the rain?
Why don't we just walk normally like it doesn't cause any pain?
Why do we go to the hospital when we get ill?
When we all know we are all gonna die still.
Why do we cry like a baby when we lose something we like?
Why does it take a long time to stop feeling like crying?
Why do we keep on praying eventhough we know the bad things are still gonna happen anyway?
And we are gonna ended up at the point when we think our effort doesn't eventually work out.
But. that's. how. this. life. supposed. to. work.
We are trying not to lose faith.
We anticipate.
We try to resist.
We try to save our ownselves from the hurricane.
The tears might be the loudest form of the longing they can shout.
We are all facing problems which are unseen.
We are trying to fix the mess which is made by the battle we can't win.
If you think that i'm in a mess right now, you got it all right.
Why do we put it on when it's cold and save it as something to keep?
Why do we use an umbrella to walk under the rain?
Why don't we just walk normally like it doesn't cause any pain?
Why do we go to the hospital when we get ill?
When we all know we are all gonna die still.
Why do we cry like a baby when we lose something we like?
Why does it take a long time to stop feeling like crying?
Why do we keep on praying eventhough we know the bad things are still gonna happen anyway?
And we are gonna ended up at the point when we think our effort doesn't eventually work out.
But. that's. how. this. life. supposed. to. work.
We are trying not to lose faith.
We anticipate.
We try to resist.
We try to save our ownselves from the hurricane.
The tears might be the loudest form of the longing they can shout.
We are all facing problems which are unseen.
We are trying to fix the mess which is made by the battle we can't win.
If you think that i'm in a mess right now, you got it all right.
April
Just realized that I didn't write anything on April, so I decided to make one. I mean, i'd write something about what was happening at that time. Though it's the end of May already, and June will be coming by really soon. But you know that April is the most wonderful month where I become the centre point of the universe in only once a year. Therefore I should write something out of it just like what I usually do, so then I'd be able to read them all over again—to recall the feeling that was once exist in the past years through these stack of notes that I wrote in blog.
***
We all deserve the happiness, just as well as the sorrow—or miseries—and the death that is owed. There will be the ones we'll have the pleasure to encounter, the ones in which the happiness are made by; the ones who cares.
It was the first time my tears fell down off my cheek as my friends appeared at next to my door. The last two surprises I was laughing at them for the silly yet lovely things they did to me at those kind of hour. It was midnight when there was a phone-call tellin' me that somebody is outside. They sing along with the whispering voices when my body showed up from behind the door. There was an undetected motion within which made me cry myself out, but i love my friends anyway.
Days before my birthday, i was kinda in bitterness. My dad is in illness and mom isn't in town. It's really hard to see him having not enough rest—that i'd rather have a break-up than to have that worst feeling anytime i saw his weary face. I spent time thinking and trying to quietly distract myself.
My parents are an endless supply of insipiration. A cistern of happiness that overflows.
It was still midnight. My friends were still around, and there was a taxi stopped by next to my house. It was my mom coming from the airport. She got into town not in the planned-time. She must have spent weeks in Pontianak, but then she came back to Makassar in less than a week. I went to her willing to help her carrying on luggages, also with the willingness that she'd give me a Happy Birthday. She looked panic when she asked why it is so crowded. I stood up there telling her that it's my birthday. My friends giving me surprise.
***
I slept in the dawn, as usual.
***
We all deserve the happiness, just as well as the sorrow—or miseries—and the death that is owed. There will be the ones we'll have the pleasure to encounter, the ones in which the happiness are made by; the ones who cares.
It was the first time my tears fell down off my cheek as my friends appeared at next to my door. The last two surprises I was laughing at them for the silly yet lovely things they did to me at those kind of hour. It was midnight when there was a phone-call tellin' me that somebody is outside. They sing along with the whispering voices when my body showed up from behind the door. There was an undetected motion within which made me cry myself out, but i love my friends anyway.
Days before my birthday, i was kinda in bitterness. My dad is in illness and mom isn't in town. It's really hard to see him having not enough rest—that i'd rather have a break-up than to have that worst feeling anytime i saw his weary face. I spent time thinking and trying to quietly distract myself.
My parents are an endless supply of insipiration. A cistern of happiness that overflows.
It was still midnight. My friends were still around, and there was a taxi stopped by next to my house. It was my mom coming from the airport. She got into town not in the planned-time. She must have spent weeks in Pontianak, but then she came back to Makassar in less than a week. I went to her willing to help her carrying on luggages, also with the willingness that she'd give me a Happy Birthday. She looked panic when she asked why it is so crowded. I stood up there telling her that it's my birthday. My friends giving me surprise.
***
I slept in the dawn, as usual.
Thankyou everyone for making it to my birthday.
Thankyou gengs for the midnight surprise, and the second surprise at campus. I also thank my sisters for giving me those silly yet unpredictable surprise which making me feel so loved. I only went for minutes and as I came back home, there they were. It was sweet that i've never thought that they could do so. :D
Thankyou for the terang bulan keju, Pay. (i thank Ippang, too.) Thankyou my beautiful little sister (I actually asked even forced her before wahahaha) and Kak Yuyu for the white chocolates.
Always remember that tomorrow is always a new day, and happiness is yours to have.
it's as starry as your eyes
the night sky when it's all clear
it's as starry as your eyes
the night sky as when you're near
it's been really long
i'm staring at those night sky
as if it your eyes that lies and sparkles
as if i'm able to pick one up to be brought home
i'm waiting for the morning to bring out the sunrise
i don't mind staring the whole night
as if you're staring back at the earth
as if you knew where i am
as if you knew i'm waiting
let's just stare at each other's shapes
let's not questioning things but listen to our serenity
i know you dislike grief
let's make something that makes no sense
but still worth remembering
i'll give my sleeve as if it's a pillow
where you could rest your head
it's not the story
of why didn't you make it to a great day
it's your presence
it's either your absences
your eyes are a bit starry more than those night sky
they're way clearer
please come nearer
the night sky when it's all clear
it's as starry as your eyes
the night sky as when you're near
it's been really long
i'm staring at those night sky
as if it your eyes that lies and sparkles
as if i'm able to pick one up to be brought home
i'm waiting for the morning to bring out the sunrise
i don't mind staring the whole night
as if you're staring back at the earth
as if you knew where i am
as if you knew i'm waiting
let's just stare at each other's shapes
let's not questioning things but listen to our serenity
i know you dislike grief
let's make something that makes no sense
but still worth remembering
i'll give my sleeve as if it's a pillow
where you could rest your head
it's not the story
of why didn't you make it to a great day
it's your presence
it's either your absences
your eyes are a bit starry more than those night sky
they're way clearer
please come nearer
(02.43 am)
Have you ever felt the same way like mine?
When you perceive yourself that you’re all
fine.
But in other case you know you’re not.
You’re scared, or you might miss someone quiet
a lot.
You don’t know what you’re afraid of
Because you just walk anyway
You feel like you’re miles away
With the words you could never bear to say
You look above the stary sky, trying to figure
out the missing pieces you’ve been looking for
But it’s not there, it might be at some places
else
And then you take your eyes off, you convince
yourself that it’s okay
You might find them in some other days.
Have you ever felt so?
Driving your bike at night, thinking of these
well-done script
Don’t you know how fragile I am could be?
Don’t you know how many times I’ve lost in
some places like I’m hanging at nowhere?
Don’t you know how long i’ve waited the door
to open?
When I know it’s locked. It’s locked.
I’ve met some people and I always seem to fall
again
Just like the way I fall for you
I always wait for that face, I always wait for that body to come over me
It’s quiet a while until I realize, it’s not
myself whom they expect to be
I can never be what they want me to be
I’m just a little girl lost in these
circumstances
And they already had the one they’ve waited
for, all along.
Here I am with all the toys I got in my hand
to play with
Nobody seem to understand every single words
of what i’m saying
I can never be, I just can never be what they
want me to be
and they might also be the one who could never be what I thought they were
When all I really expect is to find the one
who could help me
To get over you
But I always ended up feeling lonely
I always ended up feeling lonely..
self-motivated
(I should have got these one posted before the new year's eve. Since it's rainy, the wi-fi got stuck somewhere outside my house. I know that's actually my neighbour's. But still.... -_-)
Halo halo halo! It's been a hectic week. I mean, the most productive one. So i've been busy with the illustration, sketches, and the final test. (well, even the final test was also about the drawing stuff). Okay, let me get this straight.
I had so much consideration in this case.
First, I consider my self as a hard-to-speak-up kind of person. And then, I think again, work on journalism is kinda too heavy. So, there myself was—choose what I want to choose.
We were given a task to replace the final test of the Cinematography class. The lecture told us to make a short video that describes ourselves. It has to be the representation of ourselves in daily life. The first thing that came across my mind was the sketches. That was the first thing, and the only thing I got in my mind.
A friend of mine whom I know is the best videographer in town help me until these project got done. And his beautiful girlfriend, thankyou for the spot. :D yeah, you know, that is not my own desk. It's so much more messy than you could ever imagine.
So, there you go. Please, please, ignore the voice-over within these video below. :))
yeah, drawing is my passion, what about you? hahahahahahaaaahhhhhkkkkkkkkkk #%!$&@#%!*%@$#^
Talking about drawing, here is some pieces of the illustration I made. I used to think that i'm not into illustration thingy. Yeah, there's a thick line between sketcher and illustrator. But then I know that it's quiet fun to just let your fingers move based on the pictures you got in mind. You abso-bloody-lutely need practice, and bunch of references.
The first one is a story board for a movie project which is worked by the team which included myself within (i'm sorry for making only for one scene -,-). The second one is a comic-stripe that I made as I can't sleep on a rainy midnight (..since I feel kinda stressed out making the realist). It took hours to get done of the second one, like usual. It was almost morning, and then I slept all day by the moment I finished everything.
Oh ya, I also contributed to Opium Magazine on the 'Super Student Issue'. You can take a look at my first-published-artwork on this edition. :D
Thankyou for reading, everyone. Happy new year! :D
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