April

Just realized that I didn't write anything on April, so I decided to make one. I mean, i'd write something about what was happening at that time. Though it's the end of May already, and June will be coming by really soon. But you know that April is the most wonderful month where I become the centre point of the universe in only once a year. Therefore I should write something out of it just like what I usually do, so then I'd be able to read them all over again—to recall the feeling that was once exist in the past years through these stack of notes that I wrote in blog.

***

We all deserve the happiness, just as well as the sorrow—or miseries—and the death that is owed. There will be the ones we'll have the pleasure to encounter, the ones in which the happiness are made by; the ones who cares.

It was the first time my tears fell down off my cheek as my friends appeared at next to my door. The last two surprises I was laughing at them for the silly yet lovely things they did to me at those kind of hour. It was midnight when there was a phone-call tellin' me that somebody is outside. They sing along with the whispering voices when my body showed up from behind the door. There was an undetected motion within which made me cry myself out, but i love my friends anyway.

Days before my birthday, i was kinda in bitterness. My dad is in illness and mom isn't in town. It's really hard to see him having not enough rest—that i'd rather have a break-up than to have that worst feeling anytime i saw his weary face. I spent time thinking and trying to quietly distract myself.

My parents are an endless supply of insipiration. A cistern of happiness that overflows.

It was still midnight. My friends were still around, and there was a taxi stopped by next to my house. It was my mom coming from the airport. She got into town not in the planned-time. She must have spent weeks in Pontianak, but then she came back to Makassar in less than a week. I went to her willing to help her carrying on luggages, also with the willingness that she'd give me a Happy Birthday. She looked panic when she asked why it is so crowded. I stood up there telling her that it's my birthday. My friends giving me surprise.

***

I slept in the dawn, as usual.

Thankyou everyone for making it to my birthday. 

Thankyou gengs for the midnight surprise, and the second surprise at campus. I also thank my sisters for giving me those silly yet unpredictable surprise which making me feel so loved. I only went for minutes and as I came back home, there they were. It was sweet that i've never thought that they could do so. :D 

Thankyou for the terang bulan keju, Pay. (i thank Ippang, too.) Thankyou my beautiful little sister (I actually asked even forced her before wahahaha) and Kak Yuyu for the white chocolates. 

Always remember that tomorrow is always a new day, and happiness is yours to have.

it's as starry as your eyes
the night sky when it's all clear
it's as starry as your eyes
the night sky as when you're near

it's been really long
i'm staring at those night sky
as if it your eyes that lies and sparkles
as if i'm able to pick one up to be brought home

i'm waiting for the morning to bring out the sunrise
i don't mind staring the whole night
as if you're staring back at the earth
as if you knew where i am
as if you knew i'm waiting

let's just stare at each other's shapes
let's not questioning things but listen to our serenity

i know you dislike grief
let's make something that makes no sense
but still worth remembering

i'll give my sleeve as if it's a pillow
where you could rest your head
it's not the story
of why didn't you make it to a great day
it's your presence
it's either your absences

your eyes are a bit starry more than those night sky
they're way clearer

please come nearer

(02.43 am)

Have you ever felt the same way like mine?

When you perceive yourself that you’re all fine.

But in other case you know you’re not.

You’re scared, or you might miss someone quiet a lot.

You don’t know what you’re afraid of

Because you just walk anyway

You feel like you’re miles away

With the words you could never bear to say

You look above the stary sky, trying to figure out the missing pieces you’ve been looking for

But it’s not there, it might be at some places else

And then you take your eyes off, you convince yourself that it’s okay

You might find them in some other days.

Have you ever felt so?

Driving your bike at night, thinking of these well-done script

Don’t you know how fragile I am could be?

Don’t you know how many times I’ve lost in some places like I’m hanging at nowhere?

Don’t you know how long i’ve waited the door to open?

When I know it’s locked. It’s locked.

I’ve met some people and I always seem to fall again

Just like the way I fall for you

I always wait for that face, I always wait for that body to come over me

It’s quiet a while until I realize, it’s not myself whom they expect to be

I can never be what they want me to be

I’m just a little girl lost in these circumstances

And they already had the one they’ve waited for, all along.

Here I am with all the toys I got in my hand to play with

Nobody seem to understand every single words of what i’m saying

I can never be, I just can never be what they want me to be

and they might also be the one who could never be what I thought they were

When all I really expect is to find the one who could help me

To get over you

But I always ended up feeling lonely

I always ended up feeling lonely..

self-motivated

(I should have got these one posted before the new year's eve. Since it's rainy, the wi-fi got stuck somewhere outside my house. I know that's actually my neighbour's. But still.... -_-)

Halo halo halo! It's been a hectic week. I mean, the most productive one. So i've been busy with the illustration, sketches, and the final test. (well, even the final test was also about the drawing stuff). Okay, let me get this straight.

As a student of the fifth semester, I need to choose which 'track' I should take to lead myself forward. It's kind of something I will focus on—it's kind of something that i'm interested in. I need to choose which one between broadcasting, public relation, and journalism.

I had so much consideration in this case.

First, I consider my self as a hard-to-speak-up kind of person. And then, I think again, work on journalism is kinda too heavy. So, there myself was—choose what I want to choose.

We were given a task to replace the final test of the Cinematography class. The lecture told us to make a short video that describes ourselves. It has to be the representation of ourselves in daily life. The first thing that came across my mind was the sketches. That was the first thing, and the only thing I got in my mind.

A friend of mine whom I know is the best videographer in town help me until these project got done. And his beautiful girlfriend, thankyou for the spot. :D yeah, you know, that is not my own desk. It's so much more messy than you could ever imagine.

So, there you go. Please, please, ignore the voice-over within these video below. :))

yeah, drawing is my passion, what about you? hahahahahahaaaahhhhhkkkkkkkkkk #%!$&@#%!*%@$#^

Talking about drawing, here is some pieces of the illustration I made. I used to think that i'm not into illustration thingy. Yeah, there's a thick line between sketcher and illustrator. But then I know that it's quiet fun to just let your fingers move based on the pictures you got in mind. You abso-bloody-lutely need practice, and bunch of references.

The first one is a story board for a movie project which is worked by the team which included myself within (i'm sorry for making only for one scene -,-). The second one is a comic-stripe that I made as I can't sleep on a rainy midnight (..since I feel kinda stressed out making the realist). It took hours to get done of the second one, like usual. It was almost morning, and then I slept all day by the moment I finished everything.

Oh ya, I also contributed to Opium Magazine on the 'Super Student Issue'. You can take a look at my first-published-artwork on this edition. :D

Thankyou for reading, everyone. Happy new year! :D